Completist collectors of
elysesewell idiotica will be pleased to know that I failed to confirm the date of my Chinese visa expiration, only bothering to look in my passport to check on it after I was already in the country illegally. I had to evacuate Shenzhen quicklike, as in late at night, with my head still lacquered in the day's swathe of makeup and Hairstyle. Fortunately, I didn't get fined or searched or imprisoned; the immigration officer just made me trundle my enormous suitcase off to a little back office and spend twenty minutes in a sweat of uncertainty while he produced a written warning.
So I arrived in Hong Kong a few days early, and the little hovel my agency had prepared for me was not yet ready. I had to spend a few days in the agency's model quarters, a weird place indeed: a half-floor of a huge industrial building, a warehouse retrofitted into a giant apartment. All the bedrooms were bricked-in, windowless chambers with portable dehumidifiers chugging away 24/7 lest they explode with mildew. Every model from the agency lived there- a lot of girls, but no one knew exactly how many because some emerged from their concrete mausolea so infrequently.
After a few days there and a few enjoyable moments of chewing the fat with my Zadie Smith-reading chambermate, my hovel had been vacated (I asked the previous occupants to set aside any unwanted stuff they'd accumulated during their stay so that I could use it instead of the maid just throwing it away, and what did I get? A couple of bent-ass wire hangers, some margarine and half a jar of Skippy) and I was able to move in.
The new hovel is not swanky: it's the smallest apartment I've ever lived in, and in a less-than-ideal neighborhood, but it was the best anyone could rustle up during the summer of the Ohhellnolympics. This is how I summarized it (via email) to my quondam cellmate (the 'Bay and the Wanch being two neighborhoods of HK):
I had a feeling, had a hunch:
it ain't in the 'Bay, it's in the Wanch.
Many hallmates pitter patter.
Crappy aircon rattle clatter.
Narrow slot for model's butt
Like Gulliver in Lilliput.
But I dassn't bitch and daren't moan,
For here I lay my head alone.






Far right: hanging laundry sack.

My friend in Seoul would make a beeline for the bottles of squid ink sold in every Korean grocery store and roll one around in his hands, moaning, "I want to buy this SO BAD but I have no idea what to do with it." Mike, unless you've decided to take my advice and chug it straight from the bottle, may I offer you this sinister inky spaghetti and squidballs? Just be sure to make frequent mirror-checks: it turns your teeth black.

Finally, Jumpshot 101: raise the ISO or there will be blurred.

